Goulet Finally Nails Death Scene

"Entertainer" Robert Goulet has passed away at age 73. Acting coach and longtime friend Dr. Richard I. Chamberlain praised Goulet's new 'method' approach. "This time, he didn't ham it up as much as he usually does. In the past, he would crank out these excruciating death monologues. This time, the breathing tube really restricted him to something of a muted gurgle...very convincing...very 'noir.'"

The not-quite-French-Canadian baritone inexplicably became famous for his extremely limited acting and vocal ranges. Goulet's agent, Sheldon Krantz, speculated on Goulet's fame, "In those days, entertainment was filled with people who could actually sing and act. Hollywood really needed someone who could be a loud, over-the-top caricature all the time. America wanted someone who could act like a washed-up has-been before he had even 'been.' Robert provided all of those things...a talentless--yet arrogant--hack. I'll miss that bombastic shmuck."

Death will certainly interrupt Goulet's Halloween dark ritual of attempting to re-animate his career by consuming the souls of gifted actors and vocalists.

Halloween Reminds Me That Alice Ghostley Is Still Dead and That Nobody Ever Wrote a Story

Spookily-named actress Alice Ghostley has died, and in a perfect coincidence she died within 10 weeks of Halloween!

Ghostley played "Esmerelda" on Bewitched. Ghostley's claim to fame was that she once had sex with both Darrins (despite the homosexuality of one and the severe lower back problems of the other) simultaneously.

BadAssDan gobbles up the sweet sweet candy of her passing: 19 points for the 81-year-old witch. Watch your blood sugar, fool!

Boring Actress Dies Boring Death

Deborah Kerr, star of movies your mom tried to make you watch as a kid, died this week at age 86.

Ms. Kerr starred opposite Yul Brenner in The King & I. You remember that one. Had a bunch of vaguely Asian-looking people singing and you faked being sick so you could go read comic books in your room? She was also in From Here to Eternity. There was that scene where she and Burt Lancaster made out on a beach with the waves washing over them and you wondered how much sand got in their asscracks while shooting it. She was the female lead in An Affair to Remember, the one where your mom sat there with tissues in her hand the whole time and you fell asleep and woke up with drool all over your shirt.

In fact, the only reason you've ever even half paid attention to this lady is to offer your guess in the office debate over whether her name was pronounced like "car" or "cur." You were wrong by the way.

None of the DW2K7ers gave enough of a shit about Ms. Kerr to put her on their list. So she got from here to eternity without our help.

Rat Pack Reunited in Afterlife

With the death of comedian Joey Bishop, who passed away this week at the age of 89, Frank Sinatra's famed Rat Pack was finally reunited in heaven, where they quickly resumed treating Bishop like shit.

Asked to comment on his demise, Bishop said, "I had nine years of relative peace on earth; now I gotta listen to Dean Martin insulting me for eternity. I fucking hate heaven."

DW2K7 participant Kerberos scores a tidy 11 points for remembering that Bishop was still alive to die.