Charles Nelson Reilly is BLANK.

Charles Nelson Reilly, the Tony-winning comic actor who once held the title of "Gayest Man on the Planet" (he was succeeded by Richard Simmons), has died at age 76. Reilly is probably best known to children of the 70's as a frequent panelist on the television show Match Game. Let us be clear: in the history of mankind, nobody made sexual double entendre like this man did. We have lost a legend.

While he credits game show appearances with ending his acting career, it was pneumonia that ultimately ended his life. One can take some solace in knowing that Reilly lived long enough to see Jerry Falwell (a.k.a. The Assmaster General) die.

Long before yukking it up in the top row with his own personal hag Brett Somers, the most flamboyantly gay man ever seen on television had already set Broadway on fire. In 1962, he won the Tony award for his role in the play "How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying."

Fittingly, Death By Creamy Liquid chose Reilly to match the Grim Reaper in the final round of his life, and will earn 24 points.

Falwell DEAD: Thinking People Around the World Rejoice!

OK, look. If you liked Jerry Fallwell, let me first invite you to have rough, spiteful sex with yourself! Done with that? Then allow me to politely ask that you never return to my site. Seriously, bugger off.

With that out of the way, I am so psyched that this holier-than-thou sh1tpiece of a man has finally done us all a favor and stopped breathing. This human butt-plug made it his personal mission to make up fairy tales in order to fleece the innocent and simple-minded.

If you aren't familiar with FuckKnuckles McGee, as his friends called him, here are some of his greatest hits:
(Keep in mind that these are things that he said OUT LOUD...what is he keeping to himself?)
*Falwell asserted that when The Antichrist ("The Beast") comes, he "must be, of necessity, a Jewish male"

*During the Civil Rights Movement Falwell was a supporter of racial segregation. He said this about Martin Luther King, "I do question the sincerity of people like the Reverend Martin Luther King..."

*As for homosexuality, Falwell remarked, "AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals."

And that's just scratching the surface of his insane assholery.

Sure, there are plenty of uneducated buffoons with the above beliefs, but this pigfucker actually acquired the means to perpetuate these views through a "school" called Liberty University. Liberty University is the Taliban of colleges. When one steps on campus at Liberty, one expects John Lithgow to jump out from the bushes and stop everyone from dancing. Calling Liberty University a school is like calling The Third Reich a social club. Paying tuition to Liberty U. is akin to paying $14,000 per year to eat endless buckets brimming with human feces.

Falwell disgraced humankind on this earth for 73 years. Thanatos Therapeuticus knew that Jerry would be "called home" this year. Our resident master of death therapy picked six evangelists this year. I hope he goes six for six.

27 points for T.T.'s excellent call!

*Yawn*

Would someone effing die already? It's been two weeks since anything interesting happened. Accidental overdose anyone? Freak car/plane/tricycle accident? Hunting trip with Dick Cheney?

Seriously, I've got a fever and the only cure is more cowbell death.

A Grim Reaper TwoForTuesday: Two Toms to Tomtom in a Too-Tight Tommy Tomb Tonight

Tom Poston Needed a New Hart?
Poston, the classic everyman performer best known for his performances on Mork & Mindy and Newhart has died at the age of 85. Oddly enough, Tom and Suzanne Pleshette got married a few years back simply because they were each the only living people that either of them knew. That Poston always would nail anything with a heartbeat...though I've seen corpses that are way hotter than Pleshette has been since about half past menopause.

Tommy Newsom-thing Was Wrong When There was Copius Blood in His Urine!
The subsitute band leader for The Tonight Show, Newsom was ironically dubbed "Mr Excitement" by Johnny Carson for his calm demeanor. Newsom was once quoted as saying, "Sorry, Johnny, that I didn't wear the gayest sequined coats on the planet like your flip boy Doc!" Newsom, 78, died of both liver AND bladder cancer. Gee, I wonder if this guy ever hit the sauce? Or perhaps Tommy never actually imbibed, but rather was slain by secondhand gin fumes blasted from the business end of raging alcoholic Doc Severinsen's trumpet?


Despite my generosity at giving you folks a twin spin, nobody put in a request for either of these dead stacks o' wax.