Anna Nicole Can't Carry Rick James' Jock Strap

Anna Nicole is still dead, and the offical stance seems to be "accidental drug overdose." So we here at DW2K7 will not be doubling the points for Deady Money and Wednesday. Looks like you two will have to deal with a mere 61-point lead. That leaves a slight glimmer of hope for the rest of us! But enough about the score...

Let's take a moment to look at the NINE drugs found in Anna Nicole's big-titted corpse:
*acetaminophen --big deal
*diphenhydramine (Benadryl) -- again, who cares?
*clonazepam (Klonopin) - sedative
*lorazepam (Ativan) - anti-anxiety
*diazepam (Valium) - anti-anxiety
*topiramate (Topomax) - sedative/anti-convulsant
*meprobamate - sedative
*ciprofloxacin (Cipro) - anti-bacterial agent
*methocarbamol (Robaxin) - sedative, expectorant

That's not counting traces of
*methadone
*B12
*HGH

So maybe you think nine sounds like a big number. Yet there's really nothing to write home about in there. You could probably find Benadryl and acetaminophen in most of my readers, and the others are all "calming" drugs. So she was a little too nervous, a little too fat, and a little too awake, so she binged on prescription meds and took vitamin/hormone shots in the ass until she died. Boo hoo.

Is nine drugs an impressive number? Dead performer Rick James didn't think so. The "SuperFreak" himself waited for our freshly-dead bombshell at the "Pearly Gates," pimp-slapping her upside the head for "half-assing" her overdose. It's not that he's mad at her, it's just that Rick James had been around, and knew how to PAR-TAY. Consider the nine drugs in Rick's system at the time of his untimely demise:

*alprazolam (Xanax)
*diazepam (Valium)
*bupropion (Wellbutrin)
*citalopram (Celexa) - anti-depressant
*hydrocodone (Vicodin)
*digoxin (heart medicine)
*chlorpheniramine (serotonin inhibitor)
*methamphetamine
*cocaine

Now THAT magnificent-but-now-dead bastard knew how to GET DOWN! Vikes, coke, meth -- hardcore all the way. Anna Nicole is a feeble bush-league copycat compared to the original 9-drug-overdoser!

RIP, SuperFreak...RIP.

Symphony of (Self-) Destruction

It looks like three of you were smart enough to portend the end for troubled pop princess Britney Spears. I'm not saying she's dead...YET...but, Andrew Cunanan thinks this chick is suicidal. Kurt Cobain mentioned that she might need a little professional help.

To review the past couple of years: marriage to a loser, weight gain, childbirth, child endangerment, alcoholism, divorce, childbirth, clubbing with Paris, exposing labia to the world, drugs, rehab for a day, more alcoholism, head shaving, custody of kids now in danger, wigs, back in rehab.

There are still eleven months left for this to develop this year! It's not that I want to reap her soul (if there is one there to reap). I'm just saying there's certainly a volatility there that was worth betting on.

I've been disappointed before, though. Tom Sizemore has let me down so many times that I finally left him off my list this year. Damn you Sizemore. Damn you straight to Hell.

Suicide is Painless

After yesterday's tragic (though clearly predictable) death of Anna Nicole Smith, many questions remain. What will happen to her poor daughter, what will happen to her myriad court cases, was she married to Howard K. Stern? The most important question to the sick bastards of DW2K7 is: Did she do it on purpose?

Let me first say that there is not yet official word on the death of Anna Nicole Smith. However, several sources are reporting that Anna had attempted suicide a couple of times in recent months while living in the Bahamas. One attempt is being reported as drowning herself in a swimming pool.

In the history of DeathWatch, the suicide bonus has never been given out. The DW2K7 rules state that an accidental drug overdose does not count as a suicide. There has to be some sort of proof of intent to harm oneself. I think if there had been a suicide note, that we would have heard about it by now.

All that being said, I think the most prudent thing to do in terms of scoring will be to wait and see what the police rule it. If she ingested 30 times the dosage that it would take to kill a person (or some amount that couldn't possibly be accidental), that, combined with alleged recent suicide attempts, may be enough to give out the bonus points.


The game hangs in the balance here in the first week (122 points would almost certainly make this a 2-horse race), so the Board of Deathmasters will not take any ruling lightly.

Any comments are welcome.
Grim Reaper

Death: The Ultimate Weight-Loss Plan

Anna Nicole Smith, the former Playboy playmate whose bizarre life careened from marrying an octogenarian billionaire to the untimely death of her son, died Thursday after collapsing at the Seminole Hard Rock Cafe Hotel and Casino. She was 39.

Both Wednesday and Deady Money "liked her [dead] body" and earned themselves a hefty 61 points (or a possible 122 points if ruled a suicide, pending police investigation).