Anna Nicole Can't Carry Rick James' Jock Strap

Anna Nicole is still dead, and the offical stance seems to be "accidental drug overdose." So we here at DW2K7 will not be doubling the points for Deady Money and Wednesday. Looks like you two will have to deal with a mere 61-point lead. That leaves a slight glimmer of hope for the rest of us! But enough about the score...

Let's take a moment to look at the NINE drugs found in Anna Nicole's big-titted corpse:
*acetaminophen --big deal
*diphenhydramine (Benadryl) -- again, who cares?
*clonazepam (Klonopin) - sedative
*lorazepam (Ativan) - anti-anxiety
*diazepam (Valium) - anti-anxiety
*topiramate (Topomax) - sedative/anti-convulsant
*meprobamate - sedative
*ciprofloxacin (Cipro) - anti-bacterial agent
*methocarbamol (Robaxin) - sedative, expectorant

That's not counting traces of
*methadone
*B12
*HGH

So maybe you think nine sounds like a big number. Yet there's really nothing to write home about in there. You could probably find Benadryl and acetaminophen in most of my readers, and the others are all "calming" drugs. So she was a little too nervous, a little too fat, and a little too awake, so she binged on prescription meds and took vitamin/hormone shots in the ass until she died. Boo hoo.

Is nine drugs an impressive number? Dead performer Rick James didn't think so. The "SuperFreak" himself waited for our freshly-dead bombshell at the "Pearly Gates," pimp-slapping her upside the head for "half-assing" her overdose. It's not that he's mad at her, it's just that Rick James had been around, and knew how to PAR-TAY. Consider the nine drugs in Rick's system at the time of his untimely demise:

*alprazolam (Xanax)
*diazepam (Valium)
*bupropion (Wellbutrin)
*citalopram (Celexa) - anti-depressant
*hydrocodone (Vicodin)
*digoxin (heart medicine)
*chlorpheniramine (serotonin inhibitor)
*methamphetamine
*cocaine

Now THAT magnificent-but-now-dead bastard knew how to GET DOWN! Vikes, coke, meth -- hardcore all the way. Anna Nicole is a feeble bush-league copycat compared to the original 9-drug-overdoser!

RIP, SuperFreak...RIP.

Bowie Kuhn Goes Down Looking. Nobody Cares.

Former Major League Baseball Commish Bowie Kuhn took a respiratory called strike three today (heart problem, heart surgery, lung problems--YER OUT!)

No score.

Yawn.

2007--The Year of the Suicide?

It's taken a while, but in 2007, suicide has become trendy! You're nobody until you've at least attempted to take your own life!

It's only March and we've got alleged attempted hangings, alleged attempted drownings, attempted drug overdoses, gunshots to the face and CO poisoning! When will the madness end? We're almost to the point where guys will just start indiscriminately sleeping with Courtney Love!

Self-destruction is in the air. And Anna Nicole's death method hasn't even been ruled on yet! Plus, you've got the Olson twins cruising around Europe on heroin and ExLax. You've got Britney playing musical rehabs. Lindsay Lohan could snap at any moment

2007 looks like it will be the first year in which the DW suicide bonus will be redeemed! Life Death is beautiful!

Brad Delp, Lead Singer of 70's Band Boston, Closes His Eyes and Slips Away.

Brad Delp the man behind the powerful, high-pitched vocals of 70's rock band, Boston, passed away of undisclosed causes this week.

Delp, described by nearly everyone as "the nicest guy in rock-n-roll," was engaged to be married to his longtime girlfriend this summer, during what would have been a break in a busy touring schedule with Boston.

Nobody on DW2K7 had "More Than a Feeling" that the 55-year-old lead singer would pass this year.

EDIT: MARCH 15, SUICIDE! Delp sealed himself into a bathroom with two charcoal grills that were both "Smokin!" and the CO finished him off...he even left two suicide notes. So that's 90 points left on the back burner.

Richard Jeni has had bad aim.

Suicide was apparently not painless for comedian Richard Jeni last night. Pulling the trigger on his own face, the funnyman didn't quite complete the job correctly, leaving himself alive until he arrived at the hospital.

O.K., so he earned some cred from me by using a gun (no false attempts at O.D.'ing or hanging--Britney, I'm looking your way here...) So I guess we have to assume that he just missed a point-blank shot at a stationary target? I don't mean to disparage the man's final act, but if reports are right, he shot himself in the face. Wouldn't you go for the roof of the mouth or the temple? Or are those just movie cliches?

The 49-year-old comedian would have delivered a 98-point punchline for DeathWatchers, but none of us bought a ticket to Jeni's final set.

"Cap" gets capped

Steve Rogers, better known by his superhero moniker Captain America, was shot and killed on the steps of the New York Federal Courthouse, reports The Daily Bugle. Rogers suffered several gunshot wounds from an unknown assailant, likely a sniper perched atop one of the adjacent buildings. 'Cap', as he was affectionately known, owed his powers to a super soldier serum given to him as part of the secret military project known as Operation: Rebirth. The hero, who at one time had battled the NAZI war machine and the terrorist cell lead by The Red Skull, was in the custody of U.S. Marshals at the time of the shooting. An opponent to the recent Superhuman Registration Act, he was a fugitive, but had turned himself in out of fear that innocent civilians were being hurt by his rebellion.

Rogers has never been married and has no known living relatives. He was 66.

The DeathWatchers may have Marveled over the loss of this classic crime fighter, but none of them dared include them in their list. This may have something to do with him being a fictional character.