Anna Nicole Can't Carry Rick James' Jock Strap

Anna Nicole is still dead, and the offical stance seems to be "accidental drug overdose." So we here at DW2K7 will not be doubling the points for Deady Money and Wednesday. Looks like you two will have to deal with a mere 61-point lead. That leaves a slight glimmer of hope for the rest of us! But enough about the score...

Let's take a moment to look at the NINE drugs found in Anna Nicole's big-titted corpse:
*acetaminophen --big deal
*diphenhydramine (Benadryl) -- again, who cares?
*clonazepam (Klonopin) - sedative
*lorazepam (Ativan) - anti-anxiety
*diazepam (Valium) - anti-anxiety
*topiramate (Topomax) - sedative/anti-convulsant
*meprobamate - sedative
*ciprofloxacin (Cipro) - anti-bacterial agent
*methocarbamol (Robaxin) - sedative, expectorant

That's not counting traces of
*methadone
*B12
*HGH

So maybe you think nine sounds like a big number. Yet there's really nothing to write home about in there. You could probably find Benadryl and acetaminophen in most of my readers, and the others are all "calming" drugs. So she was a little too nervous, a little too fat, and a little too awake, so she binged on prescription meds and took vitamin/hormone shots in the ass until she died. Boo hoo.

Is nine drugs an impressive number? Dead performer Rick James didn't think so. The "SuperFreak" himself waited for our freshly-dead bombshell at the "Pearly Gates," pimp-slapping her upside the head for "half-assing" her overdose. It's not that he's mad at her, it's just that Rick James had been around, and knew how to PAR-TAY. Consider the nine drugs in Rick's system at the time of his untimely demise:

*alprazolam (Xanax)
*diazepam (Valium)
*bupropion (Wellbutrin)
*citalopram (Celexa) - anti-depressant
*hydrocodone (Vicodin)
*digoxin (heart medicine)
*chlorpheniramine (serotonin inhibitor)
*methamphetamine
*cocaine

Now THAT magnificent-but-now-dead bastard knew how to GET DOWN! Vikes, coke, meth -- hardcore all the way. Anna Nicole is a feeble bush-league copycat compared to the original 9-drug-overdoser!

RIP, SuperFreak...RIP.