Boris Dies, Natasha Vows to Continue Hunt for Moose and Squirrel

Former Russian Leader Boris Yeltsin has died of heart failure at the age of 76.

When not busy swilling vodka or wearing fur, Yeltsin gulped down spoonfuls of lard, in an attempt to achieve complete coronary artery blockage with simultaneous Absolut liver shutdown. Sadly, his heart gave out while his liver was still 4% functional.

Roger Mortis scores 24 points by choosing our Smirnoff-soaked statesman stiff and is starting to gain on the leaders!