Bob Evans: Dead on the Farm

Restauranteur/sadistic pig-killer Bob Evans died today of complications from pneumonia. Mr. Evans turned a tiny southern-Ohio truck stop into a nation-wide chain of meat-purveying breakfast joints that clogged his bank account with cash just like his food clogged his customers' arteries.

A spokesman for the Evans family said that Mr. Evan's small intestines will be cleaned out and stuffed with sage-laden pork bits to be served at the next family barbecue in accordance with his will. The family anticipates that Mr. Evans will be delicious.

No Deathwatch 2007 players had the foresight to anticipate the death of a man whose name is synonymous with fatty foods.